“God was never supposed to bless a union for folks like us, and the law was never supposed to allow it,” said Tiq Milan, one-half of the duo responsible for the infamous 2016 TED Talk, “A Queer Vision of Love and Marriage.”
Both black activists and creatives in their own right, Tiq, a trans man, and Kim Katrin Milan, a queer cis woman, used the TEDWomen stage to discuss the ways in which love and inclusion can function as “tools for revolutionary change.” Two years later, we asked Tiq to evangelize about love all over again, and naturally, the conversation took a fully authentic, vibrant and inspirational turn. From stories about family, to allied relationships, to the process of learning and unlearning, this interview became a heartfelt guide to relationship survival for black and queer people nationwide, and that’s exactly how it’s being presented.
Of course, it is important to see ourselves reflected in love and happiness, but with a journey so immensely powerful and personal, there are bound to be dozens of intricate life lessons along the way. As you navigate your own challenges, you may want to keep these tips in mind as well.
Tip #1: Tradition isn’t binding. Often times, the words “marriage” and “tradition” are frightening, and for good reason--those concepts have rarely, if ever, left space for black queer people in their most basic definitions. After all, Tiq himself said “marriage as an institution was never really for LGBT folks. Marriage as an institution, I think, is really problematic--it’s a legal contract, it’s about economics, and a lot of it is very patriarchal.”
However, we have to remember that we aren’t bound to pre-formed, easy bake traditions, and we can always create our own; getting married and loving it outside of its societal conventions can be a reclamation in itself.
Catch up with Tiq as he chronicles his human rights campaigns on his website, www.tiqmilan.com, and on Twitter and Instagram, @themrmilan